Journey to Fortune & Fame — Missing

I cried all the way along the first leg of my journey to Fortune and Fame…

It was difficult to control my emotions during the short ride from Brantford to Toronto as I left two of my children, Natasha and Gabrielle, a granddaughter Izzy and a new friend of the family Shawn standing on the platform. I was hoping our last hugs would comfort me until I see them again, but I wish they had come with me  and miss the warmth of their embrace. The memory of seeing Izzy run along the train waving goodbye instantly brings tears to my eyes, I miss her already.

I am leaving so much behind as I embark on this  grand adventure; parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, friends and a place I’ve called home for most of my life. A  city that hasn’t always been easy to live in. A place I tried to find myself in, but failed to. A place that has  never really felt like home, but right now, this minute, I miss its sights, sounds and  familiarity.

The Toronto train station is under construction and cold. I finally found a not so comfortable spot to settle into during my five hour layover while I wait with others, strangers, for the #1 train to arrive — The train that will take me on the next leg of my journey.

I sit here looking about trying to control my emotions, trying not to give into the temptation to catch the next train back to Brantford. I’ve never felt more alone. I find that odd to say, as I am a person who doesn’t mind being alone, but perhaps what I am feeling is a different kind of loneliness, one that is not easily explained. Then again perhaps its just fear, fear of the unknown, fear that I am making a mistake, fear that maybe I am on the right path and fame and fortune is just a train ride away. All I know right now is that I want my blanket and pillows to comfort me and keep me warm, but I left them at my daughter Elisha’s house, because I didn’t think I needed them anymore — silly me.

For now, I will find a bit of peace in sharing my thoughts in this blog, knowing that comfort and loving warmth await me in Edmonton and my family is always just a phone call away.



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